For 2020

December 31, 2019

In the spirit of the new year, I am sitting with memories from 2019. It’s been full of growth and change and pain and intense joy. I am learning all the time. I am trying to be open to what is next.

I accepted my first salaried job. I quit my first salaried job. I toured around the country for six months with a group of people I adore. For some reason, I met Bill Murray. And for some reason, he bought us drinks. I left the country for the first time. I tried working for myself. I accepted my second salaried job. I quit my second salaried job. I played loud music with my friends. I got angry about the state of the country. I lost people I cared deeply about. I volunteered with the best summer camp in the world. I booked a lot of bands for a festival I love. I married my best friend. I packed everything and the cats into a car and moved across the country. I cried a lot. I played a truly obscene amount of Stardew Valley. I applied for 137 jobs. I got tired of answering questions about myself.

And now here I am, settling into the darkness of New England winter, working in a tall building where I can see the whole city, still drinking too much coffee, and trying still to be a better version of myself. Emerging from several months of depression and working to coax myself the rest of the way out. I am finally starting to want to do things I love again, like playing music or taking photos or moving my body, things that I haven’t wanted to do in awhile. Sometimes I remind myself about what it was like to tour around the country, visiting a different musical ecosystem with so many moving parts every single day, and realizing that the world is a lot bigger than where you’re from. It’s the whole reason I ever brought up moving out of Colorado for a little bit, and then the powers that be provided a reason to get out for a bit. And though it’s rough now, I know I’ll end up back there and I know this experience will be beneficial. For now, it’s a little bit hard. And that’s okay. I am grateful for a partner who helps me sit with the difficulties and look at the bright spots, and for friends & family that remind me of all the kindness that exists in the world.

One of the most common questions I got in job interviews was, “Where do you see yourself in three (or five, or ten) years?” The more I answered that question, the more unsure I was of what I said. I started to give incredibly vague responses, like, “I hope I’m still learning,” because I honestly didn’t know the answer. People just want to hear that you’re interested in the company or the field long term. But honestly, after 137 job applications, everything starts to blur together and you have a hard time being excited about anything while being pulled in so many directions. I get attached to possibilities so easily, and rejections hurt that much more after mentally placing yourself in a job. No one knows me here. No one has any reason to believe more in me than anyone else. And at a certain point, I think I stopped believing in myself, which doesn’t make pitching yourself to interviewers any easier. Eventually, though, someone took a chance on me in a new field and I was reminded about the value of leaving the apartment, creating some sort of routine, being good at something, and spending time around other people. I guess I still don’t know where I’d like to be in five years, but maybe I’m getting a little bit closer to having an idea. And I sure do have a lot to be grateful for this year.

All that to say — Happy New Year’s Eve. I’m feeling full of love going through these photos. Here are some of my favorite moments from the past year.

My feelings betraying me on the walk down the aisle. Photo by Kendall Rock.

I called Malena and said, “Can I put flowers in your hair?” She said, “Okay, I’ll make some snacks.”

The best wedding crew we could have asked for.

Fall colors from Maine. Photo by Kyla Foster.

First tattoo by Melanie Steinway and farewell poster by Elias Armao.

The secret to surviving the bomb cyclone and two days without power. Beer, Dominion, and friendship.

Filming Meliora’s music video at the Clocktower Cabaret with Lady Cactus.

Girls Rock Camp Alliance 2019 was an incredible weekend of learning and recharging.

Fancy coffees while photographing a wedding with Malena.

Thankful for these guys after the chaos of UMS.

First round of buddies in the middle of the polar vortex.

Maternity boudoir on film. Something I was incredibly nervous about, and so happy with the experience.

I believe this is where someone yelled, “FURNITURE CATALOG!” Photo by Kendall Rock.

William DJing a wedding and being a human sunflower.

Probably tired of me asking him to make me coffee.

A sweaty, emotional, post-wedding selfie.

Crying after seeing wedding dress embroidery for the first time. I was crying too.

Celebrating Greg with over 500 other people, loud and full of love.

Listening to Payden’s eyes over FaceTime.

John Craigie with Gregory Alan Isakov — San Francisco, CA

Our first lobster rolls in Boston, but definitely not our last.

Brewing our wedding beer with Luke & Nikki.

This was the “before” photo. By Nikki Rae.

West Virginia, also probably the coldest stop on tour.

Flowers waiting for me at our new apartment in Boston.

Hello? Denver? Are You Still There?

October 15, 2018

I photographed my first podcast recently, and was blown away by the knowledge and work going into harm reduction for drugs in Denver. Learn more about the Caring 4 Denver ballot initiative by clicking here, and attend the next podcast taping for Hello? Denver? Are You Still There? with Bree Davies by clicking here!

Beam & Bloom Launch!

May 14, 2018

I've never really photographed young children before, so I was a little intimidated walking into this shoot, as well as being concerned about bright sunlight. Chelsea Beamer is the mastermind behind Beam & Bloom, a children's clothing company, and I admire how thoughtful she was with this entire process. It was immediately comforting, and the shoot ended up being a blast. The bright light ended up allowing me to experiment with editing, and the results were dreamy and gauzy feeling. Here are a couple of my favorites:

Sneaky Proposals

May 08, 2018

There are very few things that make me happier than planning surprises! I got to be a little sneaky for this beautiful proposal at the Wynkoop bridge because, and Carly didn't suspect anything when Omar asked me to take a photo of them. I had met Omar the day before through a mutual friend, and we plotted the whole thing down to position, background, and the "cues" for taking the photo. I brought my partner, Jason, along for the ride so that I could pretend to take photos of him while trying to not look suspicious.

And dang, y'all, what a special love with these two. I was crying while taking photos the whole time. We walked down to Union Station after to take a couple photos of the couple, and Carly kept exclaiming how she couldn't believe it and how excited she was about everything. Congratulations to these two!

Early Mornings with Lark

October 28, 2017

I'm going to go out on limb here and say this is one of my favorite photoshoots to date. What an incredible morning. Lark is CU Denver's premiere acapella ensemble made up completely by female-identified/non-binary folks singing sweet and hard-hitting songs.

We got up before the sun, and started out on top of a parking garage with the most stunning view of Denver. I've had a prism for awhile that I use primarily while shooting concerts, but getting to use it for portraits was such a game-changing experience. After spending some time capturing portraits & group shots with an incomparable breakfast, we made our way to Denver Diner to get breakfast and take photos with the neon signs + milkshakes.

I'm very grateful to have gotten the opportunity to photograph this ensemble multiple times, and I'm so excited to share the results!

End of Summer Celebrations

October 28, 2017

My wonderful partner has worked for School of Rock for the better part of eight years, and has spent the last year working as the GM at a school near our home. He decided this summer to take on the massive project of putting together a music festival to wrap up the season and showcase all the shows his students had been working on, along with the adult, house, and staff bands.

He asked me to photograph the second half of the festival, and it was so fun to see his hard work in motion. Here's to hoping it becomes something annual!

Everyone is Getting Married

October 28, 2017

But actually. And it's kind of wonderful. All the love, celebration, and chances to capture moments like this. Corban and Malena are two of my best friends, and my wonderful bandmates, and it was so much fun to get to drive around some of their favorite Denver locations in the beautiful springtime weather to capture some bit of their love for each other.

Some goofy ones, some full of laughter, and some introspective in a way. I'm glad these two found each other.

Kimchi and Senior Recitals

April 15, 2017

One thing I miss about doing photography in school is how much time you get to spend planning just one or two shots. A lot of the work I've been doing is taking as many photos as possible for portraits or production/concert photography, and then sorting through them in hopes that there's one that's simultaneously in focus and where everyone's eyes are open. So when Teresa & Amanda reached out to me with very specific, dramatic ideas for their senior recital promotional photos, I was beyond excited for the shoot.

They wanted to dress up in fancy clothing, hair, and makeup while doing everyday things - eating kimchi while watching TV, lifting weights, sitting by the pool, and more. We decided to just walk about my apartment complex to find locations where we could make that happen, which ended up being a really ideal setting for the shoot. I borrowed Teresa's husband's flash, diffuser, and color swatches so that we could could emphasize blue + pink drama lighting, and it worked really well with the ideas.

Their recital is happening on May 10th at the Washington Park Boat House, and I think it's going to be incredible. Let me know if you need any more information! Here are a couple of my favorite photos from the shoot:

The Demon Barber of Fleet Street

March 24, 2017

I love theater, although I'm not nearly as involved now as I was in high school. I was lucky to float around most facets of technical theater before finally settling on lighting, which I (fearlessly?) lead throughout the rest of my high school career. And if I'm being honest, I ended up as a leader by complete accident. But I'm so glad everything happened the way it did, because those experiences are some my fondest memories from that time in my life.

I was also very involved in photography during high school. I essentially lived in the darkroom, and I took every level of photography and then IB Art, and it was a true sanctuary for me in the tumultuous time that was being a teenager. Through teachers talking and being involved in both areas, I started doing portraits and production photography for the theater program that had been such a wonderful thing for me in high school. I'm so grateful for the opportunity, and I love getting to come back every season to watch what they've been working on in such an intimate space. I also think it's so neat that I went to working with lights in a theatrical sense to working with something absorbing light in a similar sense.

It's gotten to the point where I don't know anyone in the program except for a couple friends' siblings, and that blows my mind. I went to see them perform Sweeney Todd last week, and it was honestly so incredible. I was completely swept away, and I'm excited to share a couple of my favorite photos from the night.

Until next week!

Adventures in Michigan

June 30, 2016

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I feel pretty confident in saying that, honestly, none of us attending the a2ru Conference had much of an idea about what we were getting into before arriving in Michigan. All we knew was that it was supposed to correlate with a Music Cities course we had taken together, and that it had the Dean’s stamp of approval… Which seemed like enough reason to us. We were encouraged to submit a proposal for something that would help to better communities across the country, which led the wonderful Sydney Clapp to a brilliant idea about connecting homeless/displaced populations with artistic resources. Her and I submitted the proposal and it was approved, along with eight other submissions.

DAY 1

After landing in Michigan, we went straight to the conference (driven by a very loud and slightly sexist taxi man), ate a quick dinner, and jumped straight into the creative process. We were not assigned to specific groups, but rather, we got to choose from one of the nine proposals based on our interests. Aside from the rebellious Will Card, all of us CU Denver folks joined the homelessness & art proposal group. Will decided to join a group centered around gentrification, which aligned really well with his passions. Our first night was spent getting to know the members of our group, brainstorming (on GIANT STICKY NOTES which are the best sticky notes), and consistently being really excited (and maybe a little confused) about the next 48 hours.

DAY 2

Day 2 of a2ru was a whirlwind. We started out the day at an incredible facility in Detroit, about 40 minutes away from where the rest of the conference was a University of Michigan in Ann Arbor. There was a huge body of water right outside of the window, and we realized that the skyline across the foggy river was Canada when some of our phones starting warning us about international charges.

The morning was spent doing various exercises with our groups – designing a logo in fifteen minutes, identifying our values in relation to group projects, and more. We also got the opportunity to discuss with some truly incredible cultural leaders working in Detroit during a panel. Two of the highlights for me personally were the Director of the Heidelberg Project and the Co-Founder of Ponyride. I highly encourage anyone reading this (…mom) to go check out the websites linked above and learn some more about the projects. I think we all left feeling pretty inspired.

It’s also worth mentioning that this specific location provided the absolute best food and beverages that we had during the entire trip. Good job.

On the way to the Detroit Institute of the Arts, our bus made an unexpected stop. We all filed out, not really knowing where we were, and were immediately surrounded by an entire neighborhood filled with some of the most interesting art I’ve ever seen. It took a few minutes to make the connection that this was the Heidelberg Project that we had just learned about, and just how awe-inspiring it was that they had been around for 30 years.

I don’t think I’m alone in saying I didn’t really know how to process this art. It symbolizes the abandonment, and now gentrification, of Detroit in a really unique and almost terrifying way. It felt pretty wrong to wander this neighborhood while taking photos, realizing that there were people who still lived in most of the houses, but I also felt the need to document what I was seeing.

I think the part that hit me the hardest was watching this man walk around, picking up huge amounts of trash and looking at our group from a distance. It took me a minute to realize he was the artist, at which point I walked up to him to say thank you. He nodded and then walked toward the next piece of trash, at which point I noticed the part of the piece that had been destroyed by fire. I remembered the lady on the panel speaking about withstanding arson attacks, but I hadn’t realized the scale of what they must have gone through (below), especially since it had happened multiple times. It’s hard to see in photos, but there’s an entire underground level underneath the structure in the last photo that had been completely destroyed.

After visiting the Art Institute (which was incredible), we headed back to the University to work on our projects for a couple hours. We were primarily working in a graduate residence hall, which was beautiful and very clearly geared toward learning in its design. Knowing that we were required to present our project the next afternoon, we were all pretty geared up to work. At that point, people in our group had started developing ideas of specific things they wanted to focus on, so we created a skeleton of a presentation from our collaborative “emotional vomit” document and broke into individual work on our topics. We came back together an hour later to share and give feedback, which was such a respectful and valuable process for me to go through, and then hopped onto the bus to head back to the hotel.

That last night before our big presentation was pretty special because we got to spend time with our entire group in a less professional manner. We were still working on the project, but we were working in a hotel room, wearing sweatpants, eating hummus, and sharing our favorites artists and bands and movies. It was really wonderful to get to know everyone a little better on that level while still be productive on something we were passionate about.

DAY 3

Turns out that 48 hours isn’t that long of a time to develop a “pitch” project. We (fortunately) got a few hours before our presentation to finalize everything, which mostly consisted of rehearsing in order to get closer to fifteen minutes of talking. I think our first run-through was almost thirty. Our specific project was titled the “Arts, Resources, and Opportunities Initiative” or “ARO.”

The logo above is what that brainstorming session the day before had turned into, and we were all blown away by the work the graphic designers in our group had done. I think one of the most important things this entire conference has drilled into me is the importance of strengths-based leadership and work. Rather than trying to develop our weaknesses (not that it’s not important), we each worked on tasks that we could simultaneously challenge ourselves and do well with. Our graphic designers created a stunning logo and presentation with beautiful symbolism, our human development major focused on defining the need for this project on a personal level, our business major created a timeline and documentation of unique aspects, and so on. It allowed us to all work cohesively while staying engaged, which is probably the only reason we actually got the project done in 48 hours.

Our presentation went really well (despite the nerves that came from being chosen to go first), and then we got to relax through eight more amazing and well-articulated ideas. I am continually impressed by the sheer power of collaboration, especially in groups like this. We got to hear from the Dean at the University, and we were all mesmerized by his intelligence, kindness, and selfless accomplishments. I met so many people on this trip who just want to see others succeed, and spend their whole lives building up on that. It’s beautiful.

We spent the last night celebrating at the University of Michigan Museum of Art, which was having an event similar to DAM’s “Untitled Fridays” with free admission and live music. There was a really cool, interactive exhibit with several small mirrors hanging in front of a television showing a live feed of what was happening in front of it, which is how I ended up with the terrifying photo of Sydney below.

The rest of the night was spent getting to know everyone else a little better, realizing just how much we had in common, making sure we had ways to stay in touch, and lamenting over how early we had to wake up the next morning. That turned into something positive, though, when we were able to meet up with some members of our group at the airport for one last breakfast before flying home after an enlightening couple of days.

FINAL THOUGHTS

After enrolling in a “Music Cities” themed class last Fall, I just thought I’d be getting to meet and talk with a bunch of people I admired in the music industry. The class has developed into more of a community on its own, and it’s led to so many incredible opportunities like getting to attend the Music Cities 2015 Conference in DC, getting an internship I love (that turned into a job I love), and now getting to attend the a2ru Conference in Michigan with some truly incredible people. I’m incredibly grateful for everything.